I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
