Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
