she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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