you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
