I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
