She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
