Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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