i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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