3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
and she was petting her beer can
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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