guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
