made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Randomize
