She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
