I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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