Rock
Scissors
Fuck
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
