at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I touched a dick in church today
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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