did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
