It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She even gives head with a lisp.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
