wrigley field is MILF paradise
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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