It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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