he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize