When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
