i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
