I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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