i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
