i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
