I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
