oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
it's great music for shaving your balls
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
