If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
