Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
