At least make sure they are 18
Why
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
