when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
