You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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