ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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