Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
