I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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