then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
there is puke in my bra ... again
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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