You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
