Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
