I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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