Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
