We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
