Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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