So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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