never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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