My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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