I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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