I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
