I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
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