She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
