I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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