I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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