Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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