i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
