so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
