Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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