My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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