Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
