Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
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