dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
