in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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