He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
