you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
