Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
