I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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