K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
