But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
