I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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