I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Barsexuality is the new black.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
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And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
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I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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