He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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