i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
