I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize