Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize